LGBTQIA+ Archives - GAY TIMES https://www.gaytimes.com/tag/lgbtqia/ Amplifying queer voices. Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:04:11 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.2 “Nature doesn’t care if you’re gay or straight”: meet the gay farmers queering agriculture https://www.gaytimes.com/community/meet-the-gay-farmers-queering-agriculture-nature/ Wed, 26 Jun 2024 08:35:10 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.com/?p=363549 Rural isolation and outdated attitudes can make agricultural life a struggle for gay and queer men. Here, four LGBTQIA+ farmers open up about their experiences WORDS BY RYAN CAHILL PHOTOGRAPHY…

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Rural isolation and outdated attitudes can make agricultural life a struggle for gay and queer men. Here, four LGBTQIA+ farmers open up about their experiences

WORDS BY RYAN CAHILL
PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD DOWKER

Back in 2017, the film God’s Own Country was released in the UK. Directed by Francis Lee in his film debut, the flick starred the brilliant Josh O’Connor in the lead role as a rural gay farmer who falls in love with his Romanian farm hand. With themes of isolation, homophobia and loneliness, it delivered a powerful message about the plight that farmers – and especially queer farmers – face in their day to day lives. But seven years on, has much really changed in the world of agriculture? 

A parliamentary committee recently found that the government is being “complacent” regarding rural mental health, saying that farmers are at a higher risk of mental ill health and suicide, in part caused by rural isolation, a lack of awareness and stigma surrounding a typically heteronormative industry. The same committee found that the COVID-19 pandemic and new policies may only contribute further to poor mental health within agriculture. 

With many farms across the country being inherited, it’s easy to understand how certain ideologies continue to persevere through the decades – homogenous attitudes are passed down from generation to generation, meaning that there isn’t much of an opportunity to break the wheel.

But that doesn’t mean that people aren’t trying. In 2010, a helpline was launched to support gay farmers who might be struggling with their sexuality, and more recently, the rural LGBTQIA+ network Agrespect was launched to create wider awareness, offer support and champion diversity within farming. It’s a vital support system for rural agriculturalists living rurally across the country.   

Richard Dowker, who photographed this portfolio, recalls being one of the only gay people at Young Farmers which he attended throughout his youth. “I grew up in Cumbria, in a family with a farming background surrounded by all things agriculture – so I would attend our local Young Farmers’ Club with other friends and it was a good laugh with my girls most of the time.” He says. “However there were moments where I felt lonely, out of place and that I didn’t belong, due to the very obvious lack of fellow LGBTQIA+ and the occasional queer-bashing jokes.

I definitely knew that I didn’t want to follow my dad’s farming path from a young age but also I didn’t really see it as an accepting place, even if I had wanted to. 15 years later, this project was an opportunity to see what had changed and if time had made it more of an accepting community, a place where younger generations could feel more safe and welcome.” 

Over the next few pages, we hear stories from four brilliant farmers spanning different generations to understand the current landscape when it comes to LGBTQIA+ lives in farming, and what is in store for the next generation. 

To contact the Gay Farmer Helpline, call 07837931894. Further support can also be found at https://agrespect.com/

John Porter, 47 

John Porter has been involved with farming for as long as he can remember. He’s had farmers in his family dating as far back as the 1700s, so agriculture is very much in the blood. 

Throughout his early years, John followed the tradition of other men in his family. He learned how to milk cows, drive a tractor and eventually got married and had children with his then-wife – but he always felt that something was missing. “I thought it was quite normal that I found men attractive, but didn’t really think I would ever act on it.” He says. “My marriage eventually broke down through various outside forces. I had watched a soap and somebody had Grindr. I got an iPhone and I had a look. It was like opening Pandora’s Box when you download an app like that.” 

After John’s first hookup, he said that he went through an identity crisis, experiencing a plethora of emotions and questioning whether it was “right” to be acting on such feelings and having a sense of guilt, which had an impact on his mental health. These emotions led him to utilising the Gay Farmers Helpline as an important resource for advice and support during a time when he was struggling with his sexuality. He says that the helpline was “vital” for him.

“I was at a stage where I felt totally alone. I was leading a double life and it was exhausting.” He shares. “The helpline showed me that it was okay to be me, that I wasn’t alone and there were lots of people that were in the same boat as me.” 

After eventually reaching self-acceptance, John decided to come out at the age of 34. He tells me although he initially felt like he might “lose everything” as a result of coming out, it was the best decision he ever made, and since then has been able to live his life to the fullest. 

The helpline showed me that it was okay to be me, that I wasn’t alone

Stories like his though, are not totally uncommon in the world of farming, as John explains: “There are a lot of farmers in their late 40s, 50s, even 60s, who had married a woman on a family farm and they wanted to leave but say they can’t leave because they’d get nothing. They’re stuck in a place where they’re doing a job which is quite physically and mentally demanding, they’re with a person that they don’t want to particularly be with, they can’t be themselves entirely and as a result people commit suicide.” 

John is hopeful that through more open conversations and wider visibility within agriculture, this will no longer be the case, and farming will continue to become a place of acceptance. He believes that we’re already on the right path for seeing that change. “I think today, as opposed to 20 years ago, it’s acceptable and queer men and women aren’t ostracised, so more queer people should feel safe to enter farming. It’s also a great job. It’s so varied and no day is ever the same. When the sun’s shining, you can be in no better place than outside on the farm.” 

Gareth Hales-Povey, 40

“I’m in the yard at 4am and the sun’s just peeking up. It’s quite a grounding experience. I’m proud of being able to do it because I never saw myself doing this.” says Gareth Hales-Povey. He is relatively new to the world of farming. After being furloughed from his job in hospitality and management during the COVID-19 pandemic, his husband encouraged him to pick up shifts at the local dairy farm, and since then, he’s not looked back. 

The 40-year-old lives with his partner and two recently adopted children in a picturesque grade-II listed farmhouse. They have what you might describe as a “traditional country lifestyle”, and Gareth admits he’s reached a place of contentment living and working in the countryside. 

When stepping into farming, he had heard about the prejudice that sometimes exists within the industry, but wasn’t too concerned about experiencing it himself. “I’m completely aware that it does go on. We’ve had friends that have had really negative experiences in the roles they’re in, and they’ve had to leave. On some farms, it’s not an issue, they just want you to turn up and do the job. But there’s these old fashioned prejudices that are still out there.” Gareth says. “I’ve not experienced it personally, but I know people that have. It’s been heartbreaking what they’ve been through, real emotional turmoil.”  

Gareth believes that with the help of major organisations like Young Farmers and the National Farmers’ Union, attitudes will continue to shift when it comes to the LGBTQIA+ community operating within agriculture. “There’s definitely a growing community out there. There’s also a group called Agrespect and they attend Prides all over Britain. They’re trying to promote queerness in agriculture and farming. So through that you do get to interact with people that are in a similar situation. I feel like attitudes are changing, but also a lot of farms are being run as businesses now. So, they have HR, you have inclusivity clauses in contracts, they encourage open thinking and open ways of working.” 

I just get a buzz driving a tractor because it just feels so 180 of where I thought my life would be. I can make new friends from it and I can show queer communities that it can be done

Gareth feels like he’s finally found a home working within agriculture, saying that he is very “lucky to live and work” in the countryside. “It’s just very wholesome. I just get a buzz driving a tractor because it just feels so 180 of where I thought my life would be. I can make new friends from it and I can show queer communities that it can be done. It’s not going to be easy for everybody, but we’re out here representing and that is really important!” 

Ben Andrews, 42

With acres of sprawling fields, picturesque red-bricked out-houses and an array of wildlife that you expect only to see in encyclopaedias, Ben Andrews grew up on an idyllic organic vegetable that has been in his family for decades. He recalls that much of his childhood was outside with his grandfather, spending endless hours in the fields checking livestock and fixing fences. 

Despite being so heavily embroiled in the world of farming from such a young age, he was unsure if there would be a place for him within agriculture as a gay man. “I think a lot of the stigma was internal. I thought that I’m never going to be able to reconcile these two parts of my life.” He explains. “There is still going to be some homophobia and transphobia, and there will still be people maybe talking about me behind my back, but I don’t really care what people say about me. I can’t change being gay so it doesn’t bother me, but if you tell me I’m a shit farmer, I’m going to get upset about that!” 

Ben was one of the founding members of Agrespect, a network aiming to promote and increase inclusivity within farming and agriculture. Inspired by a Country File feature about the Gay Farmers Helpline, the network was an opportunity to offer wider support to queer and rural farmers. “There’s no membership, there’s no committee, it’s a Facebook group, a Whatsapp group and we occasionally organise a Pride march!” He says modestly. “There’s no gatekeeper to the branding. If somebody wants to go and do their local Pride and they want to make up a load of banners that say Agrespect on them, it’s just like ‘yeah go for it, do whatever you want!’”

With an ever-growing Instagram following of over 80,000 followers, he’s become a familiar face within the farming community. His platform has meant that he’s been able to visit various colleges and universities to give informative talks about agriculture, and particularly queer people working within the industry. It’s people like Ben who are helping to shape the future of agriculture and create a better landscape for upcoming generations. 

As for his own journey, he’s been through some vast changes in the past few years.  After separating from his long-term partner two years ago, his relationship with the rural landscape has shifted slightly. He still loves farm life, but it’s giving him a form of catharsis and tranquillity in a way that it hadn’t before.

One of the most important things to remember is that nature doesn’t judge. It doesn’t care where you’re from, it doesn’t care if you’re gay or straight or trans

“One of the most important things to remember is that nature doesn’t judge. It doesn’t care where you’re from, it doesn’t care if you’re gay or straight or trans. It’s just there, it’s doing its thing and however stressed you are, nature doesn’t stop. There’s so much stuff that’s out of my control and there’s nothing I can do about it, but I’m just along for the ride and try to see how beautiful and wonderful it can be.” 

Robert Houghton, 25 

At 25, Rob Houghton represents a new generation of queer farmers who will shape the world of agriculture. His generation will start to feel the benefit of the work done by the generations that came before him in helping ensure that people like him have a space within the industry. 

Rob’s interest in farming initially started with horses, which he has a strong passion for. His brothers were also involved in different aspects of farming which he always found interesting, and he describes his childhood set-up as a “rural family”. “I just always loved doing things outside and working with the animals. I love the quiet as well,” he says of why he loves farming. “It’s definitely not the early mornings though!” 

Rob has been out to his close family and friends since he was 18, and has been confident and secure with his sexuality for as long as he can remember. That said, he still acknowledges the initial anxiety that comes with queer farmers entering the business, saying that a lot of that worry comes from working with older and potentially close-minded peers. He feels that a lot of unacceptance within farming is based around archaic stereotypes about gay men.

There is obviously this stigma that you have to be a straight manly person. They think that if you’re gay, you’re going to squeal but it doesn’t happen

“There is obviously this stigma that you have to be a straight manly person. They think that if you’re gay, you’re going to squeal but it doesn’t happen.” He explains. “20 or 30 years ago, farming was always a family thing – that idea that a farmer has a wife and kids and eventually the kids work on the farm. That still plays a part in the stigma.” 

Despite recognising that prejudices can exist in certain farms, it isn’t something that Rob has had any personal experience of, and he’s made great connections with colleagues at work. He has a very straightforward approach to handling a lack of acceptance that he might feel from coworkers, telling me: “I think there are people that haven’t liked it. But I just think ‘I am here to work, if you don’t like it, don’t talk to me. I’m going to do my stuff, you do your own stuff.’” 

With resources like Agrespect, the Gay Farmers Helpful and new initiatives and support being driven by the likes of the National Union of Farmers and Young Farmers, inclusivity and acceptance seems to be at the forefront of farming right now.

There’s undeniably a stigma that still exists to some degree, and that regrettably is passed on through the generations, but the prevalence of queer people working in agriculture is on the rise. We just need more young people like Rob, who are unapologetic and undefined by their sexuality, to show others that there is a space for queer people within the industry, and they can do so without fear of prejudice or judgement. 

As for his take on the future of farming for queer people, Rob is realistic and optimistic: “I think people don’t need to worry. It’s very rare that you get people that won’t accept you in farming. If you really want to be into farming, just crack on! You’ll love it.” 

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Sapphic breakup etiquette 101: what should you do with the communal sex toy box? https://www.gaytimes.com/love-sex/sapphic-breakup-etiquette-communal-sex-toy-box/ Tue, 21 May 2024 07:00:28 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.com/?p=360341 For some corners of the queer community, getting dumped leads to one particularly divisive dilemma: deciding what to do with the strap-ons and vibrators you’ve used as a couple. WORDS…

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For some corners of the queer community, getting dumped leads to one particularly divisive dilemma: deciding what to do with the strap-ons and vibrators you’ve used as a couple.

WORDS BY KATIE BASKERVILLE
HEADER DESIGN BY ANISA CLEAVER

Throwing myself onto my bed and sobbing like Scarlett O’Hara has always been my post-break-up routine. I genuinely believe that this level of theatrics is a measured and proportionate response when your heart has been dashed against the rocks. I’m a romantic and a Scorpio what can I say?

I also believe that after said bed-throwing, all reminders; cinema tickets, polaroids, love notes and sex toys everything that’s ever reminded you of an ex, should be chucked into a black bin bag, never to be seen again. So while you might not see me handing back a big bag of dildos at The Planet like Alice from The L Word, you will find me crying while trying to unscrew the wall dildo à la Suki from Drive Away Dolls. I am not sorry.

However, Gigi Engle, a COSRT-registered sex and relationships psychotherapist and sex expert for the LGTBQIA+ app Taimi, tells me that this approach might not be helpful in the long term. “While we might want to throw things out because they’re imbued with a lot of meaning, you might want to look back on things once the dust has settled. But this is totally subjective to you and how your relationship ended,” she explains.

So it makes sense that getting rid of the communal strap-on can be an intensely emotional aspect of queer breakup admin. “I basically had a breakdown,” says Zöe Davies, 27, from Lincolnshire. “My partner and I had been together for five or so years so divvying up the sex drawer was a really heart-wrenching task. There were a lot of good memories there.” 

Davies tells GAY TIMES that when she and her partner separated, they decided to chuck the shared toys but keep the toys bought for themselves, even if they had been used in partnered sex, “It just seemed right to split it that way. I’d have felt so weird about someone new using a strap we’d used together, and I’d feel properly weird about wearing one of ours [with someone new].” 

When it comes to using a strap that belonged to someone else, I know how Davies feels. 

I found myself in my first queer situationship at around 26 or 27 years old. I can’t recall exactly. However, upon finding a stash of sex toys in their cupboard that had been used with other girls and in past relationships, I felt kind of icky. 

I know that this initial reaction of ‘put-that-thing-back-where-it-came-from-or-so-help-me’, was partly born from my socialisation as a hetero-presenting person (I didn’t openly come out as bisexual to my friends and family until I was 29 but that’s another story), in addition to the heteronormative and monogamous lens I was taught to view the world through. Things are much different now.

But back then I didn’t want to have sex with these toys, even though they were sterilised and clean. It felt like sharing an intimacy I had no part in. It never crossed my mind that a strap-on could have been an extension of the person I was fucking, or that I could wear one, suck one or stroke one… When I look back, it all seems pretty narrow and short-sighted on my part but, please, afford me baby-gay privileges here. 

But the whole scenario begs a couple of serious questions. I wouldn’t have felt weird about bringing my own solo-sex toys into the bedroom to share – so why did the thought of a dildo that had once been used with someone else make me flinch?

In philosopher Paul B. Preciado’s Counter Sexual Manifesto, he philosophically questions the role of the dildo in mixed-sex, same-sex and group sex settings as well as in the context of heterosexual sex and queer sex. And, in doing so, he discusses why some of the discomforts we feel have nothing to do with the sex toy itself, but with its imbued meaning.  

For example, in lesbian-only spaces, the dildo has historically been a bone of contention as it’s proposed to be representative of an invasion of men. In the same vein, the exact same dildo might be perceived by others as a path towards gender euphoria, or a tool for power play. 

This is perhaps why we find it difficult to recycle some toys with other partners after a breakup. These pieces of silicone have accumulated emotional energy and meaning in our hearts and minds, coming to represent the intimacy of a prior relationship. And, let’s face it, being reminded of heartache is arguably the last thing you want to be thinking about when you’re about to sleep with someone new. 

This is how Ella Walker, 25, from Bristol, feels. Walker tells GAY TIMES that for her, using a strap from an old relationship would make her feel strange and that she usually throws them out post-breakup. This is partly because Walker chooses straps with partners. “I think buying a strap with your partner and having those experiences together can be a really fulfilling experience for both of you,” she says. 

Walker equally split the communal sex toys with her partner when they broke up. She describes this as “kinda sad” because in doing so, they both realised that they “had big horny dreams and a lot of them never happened.” But, she still holds onto toys with good memories attached to them.

For *Laura, 26, (who has asked to remain anonymous), straps and sex toys, generally, are tools of pleasure and power – rather than something they associate with particular relationships or partners. “My strap is just as much for me as it is for other people to be honest,” they say. “It’s about feeling powerful and dominant.”

There’s also the cost element. “Throwing out sex toys seems wasteful too,” Laura continues, “If I paid for it, or my ex doesn’t want it, then why would I throw it out? Straps are expensive.”

Laura explains that, for them, there’s no emotion for another person attached to their strap or dildos — rather, they’re a way for them to express their interest in BDSM power exchanges and the gender fluidity in their identity. 

Bima Loxely, a sex and relationship therapist, explains that for other gender non-conforming people, straps can be a gender-euphoric experience which extends to “the look, the feel, the texture and power play” of the strap in question.

The truth is, straps have been around since time immemorial literally. The first historical documentation of a strap-on was during the Upper Palaeolithic period, (a.k.a the Stone Age), about 30,000 years ago. And, in sapphic relationships, they’ve long signified power exchanges, pleasure and, sometimes but not always, masculine energy. 

However, if you are looking to keep your strap-on collection intact from partner to partner, hygiene and toy care are a must. Each material will have its own cleaning requirements, depending on whether they’re porous or not.

Whatever straps, vibes and dildos mean to you and the relationships you have, the takeaway, for me at least, is that there’s no shame in shedding a tear or two over splitting up the sex toy collection, keeping the toys that have meaning or purpose or binning it all completely to start afresh. 

So you do you just keep it clean. 

* Name has been changed.

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It’s not queerness that is alien to Ugandan culture – it’s queerphobia https://www.gaytimes.com/life/its-not-queerness-that-is-alien-to-ugandan-culture-its-queerphobia/ Wed, 08 May 2024 16:23:17 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=359091 A year on from the passing of Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Act, Kuchu Times’ Ruth Muganzi reflects on the origins of the queerphobia which led to its creation. WORDS BY RUTH MUGANZI…

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A year on from the passing of Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Act, Kuchu Times’ Ruth Muganzi reflects on the origins of the queerphobia which led to its creation.

WORDS BY RUTH MUGANZI
HEADER DESIGN BY YOSEF PHELAN

After lobbying from the US evangelical Christian movement, the Anti-Homosexuality Act (AHA) was enacted in Uganda in May 2023. Although same-sex activity was already illegal, from then on LGBTQIA+ life in Uganda has been subject to even harsher restrictions. These include punitive prison sentences – twenty years for the ‘promotion’ of homosexuality and life imprisonment for homosexual acts – as well as the death penalty for instances of so-called ‘aggravated homosexuality’.

The new law has led to several arrests, with some individuals facing capital charges. Additionally, the committee of the Convening for Equality (CFE) released a report in September arguing that the bill, and the political rhetoric surrounding it, has radicalised the public against LGBTQIA+ individuals. In early January, the prominent activist Steven Kabuye was stabbed after receiving death threats.  Despite these troubling developments, in April Uganda’s Constitutional Court rejected a petition by activists to overturn the law

From its inception, the bill has proved controversial with the international community and was denounced by the UN and European parliament. The response from President Yoweri Museveni has, however, been defiant – suggesting that calls to repeal the law as a western imposition. “Western countries should stop wasting the time of humanity by trying to impose their practices on other people,” he said in parliament. But is it really true to say that queer tolerance is a western practice, while homophobia is a Ugandan one? 

Where does queerphobia in Uganda come from?

Over the past year, communities in Uganda have discussed the concept of sex between people of the same gender far more than they have even questioned why it matters to them what two or more consenting adults get up to in private. 

If we took some time to interrogate the roots of these prejudices, we would come to understand how what many now defend as our Ugandan culture – punishing and criminalising same-sex love and diverse gender expression – is actually a remnant of the British culture of oppression and the legacy of colonialism.

See, same-sex love wasn’t invented in the west. In pre-colonial Uganda, our culture as a people was one of acceptance and tolerance. In Buganda, same-sex relations were treated with indifference while the Lango people had a third gender, mudoko dako individuals, who were free to marry men. Teso, Bahima, Banyoro, and Karamojong peoples are also said to have tolerated homosexuality in their societies. 

History of homosexuality in Uganda

Like everywhere else, African people have historically expressed a diversity of sexualities. In the 16th Century, homosexuality in Africa was witnessed by European missionaries and colonial agents whose reports were used to reinforce the notion of so-called ‘primitive’ African societies in need of Christian ‘cleansing’. 

Rather than importing homosexuality to their colonial conquests, Christian and Islamic forces fought to eradicate it. By challenging our indigenous social and spiritual systems, they demonised homosexuality in Africa, paving the way for the criminalisation that prevails today.

One of the best-known examples of this in pre-colonial Uganda occurred in the kingdom of Buganda. In the late 19th century, the area was ruled by Kabaka Mwanga II, who was considered to be a bisexual or gay man. Viewing Christianity as a potential threat to his rule, and disgruntled by the religion’s anti-homosexual stance, he ordered the deaths of 45 of his male pages. 

However, by 1897, he had been forced to accept Buganda becoming a Protectorate of the British and was exiled to the Seychelles. While in exile, he was coerced into the Anglican Church by way of a forced baptism and given the name Daniel. He is noted to have died in the Seychelles on 8 May 1903 at 35 years of age as a result of torture by British soldiers.

While people in pre-colonial Uganda had varied attitudes towards gender and sexual diversity, Britain traditionally had a more negative stance. In England, laws criminalising homosexuality dated back to 1533 – when King Henry VIII passed the Buggery Act 1533 making all male homosexual activity punishable by death. 

There were other, earlier, cases of queerness being harshly chastised in the UK, such as the 1337 torture of Hugh Despenser the Younger. Despite being executed for the crimes of high treason, an account of his execution by 14th Century historian Froissart states that his penis was severed and burned as an additional punishment for sodomy and heresy. 

Christianity as cultural imperialism

Christianity acts as a neo-imperial force in different African countries as, structurally, the religion is woven into the fabric of many social amenities. 

When missionaries establish a church, they establish a school and a hospital – all of which receive taxpayer support but are run on the values of the church. Over time, these values have been weaponised to replace African values and culture, as sought by the architects of colonisation.

Church or faith foundations own a large portion of public schools, hospitals and, now, media organisations such as television and radio stations. Over the last twenty years, these institutions have provided avenues to spread homophobia, influence policymakers and deny LGBTQIA+ individuals access to education and lifesaving healthcare services. 

Religion is a gift from the colonial era that keeps giving. In 2024, it remains the foundational pillar of homophobia upon which anti-gay legislations like the AHA are built. 

The Ugandan LGBTQIA+ Movement

It is a closely held belief of mine that LGBTQIA+ individuals and the corresponding social movement will change the landscape of human rights in Uganda and the African content.

In the last 21 years, within the Ugandan movement, activists have pushed back against growing political and religious-backed homophobia. This has ensured that LGBTQIA+ people have safe access to treatment and care services and that legislation like the AHA does not go unchallenged in the courts of law.

Our persistent spirit is summarised well by the words of Frank Mugisha, the Ugandan LGBTQIA+ advocate and Executive Director of Sexual Minorities Uganda: “We are driven by a strong conviction [that] we are part of a larger story of global human rights and we will not give up until we have built a future we deserve.”

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Gender-affirming healthcare is just one small part of trans history https://www.gaytimes.com/community/gender-affirming-healthcare-is-just-one-small-part-of-trans-history/ Fri, 29 Mar 2024 08:00:08 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=355916 Five trans and non-binary folk unpack the community’s complex relationship with the medical field and the lessons we can learn from LGBTQIA+ history.  TW: trauma, transphobia, graphic medical descriptions  WORDS…

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Five trans and non-binary folk unpack the community’s complex relationship with the medical field and the lessons we can learn from LGBTQIA+ history. 

TW: trauma, transphobia, graphic medical descriptions 

WORDS BY ZOYA RAZA-SHEIKH
HEADER DESIGN BY YOSEF PHELAN

February marked LGBTQIA+ History Month; a designated period to mark the progress made by our community. Each year the themes serve as an introspective reminder of what we can learn from the past and take forward in the present. This year, the theme was to recognise the queer contributions made in the field of medicine. While February is long over, the continuing politicisation of trans healthcare remains and we want to talk about it. 

The trans and non-binary community’s relationship with the medical field and recognition within queer history is a complicated one. Often many of us are not taught about the pioneers that have contributed to the field of medicine and LGBTQIA+ healthcare like Sophia Jex-Blake, Harry Benjamin, and Magnus Hirschfeld – notable names we should all know about.

Instead, we see conversations on the lives of trans, non-binary and gender-diverse people take place without the community involved. We read sensationalised headlines honing in on the subject of trans healthcare and medicine, often defining them by that very subject. Aspects of trans identity tend to be negatively broached through the lens of medicine, whether this is discussing puberty blockers or gender-affirming surgery. However, many trans, non-binary and gender-diverse folk may choose to not opt for the medical route, while some will. Whatever choice is made by the individual, remains valid. Yet, the ongoing conversations towards the community, largely, remain tied to medicine.

So, Trans Day of Visibility, as the topic of medicine remains relevant, we asked five trans and non-binary folk to share their thoughts on the trans community’s relationship with medicine. Transitional author Munroe Bergdorf explores the importance of reiterating that trans and non-binary people are more than their identities. She also calls for combatting harmful and hateful media coverage with positive community stories. Meanwhile, Not A Phase charity founder and CEO Danielle St. James speaks to the complexities of the trans and non-binary experience, noting that you don’t have to medically transition to be part of the community. 

Academic and writer Kim Heyam challenges the scaremongering used in relation to trans bodies using history and explores the conditions in which trans liberation can prevail. Elsewhere, Gendered Intelligence’s Cleo Madeleine reflects on the strained relationship the trans community has with the current state of healthcare in the UK. And, lastly, musician Jocelyn Sithey shares their opinions on sourcing accurate fact-checked information on the trans+ community and what we can learn from inner LGBTQIA+ community conversations. 

Munroe Bergdorf 

 

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The theme for this LGBTQIA+ History Month was medicine. Why is it important to positively spotlight the role medicine has played in trans+ stories?

We are living through an undeniably volatile time, the future of LGBTQIA+ rights haven’t felt so uncertain for quite some time. It’s that political, cultural and systemic uncertainty, teamed with a relentless negative and ultimately harmful media cycle that is creating a weight on all of our shoulders, especially as we head into a general election year, where trans rights will undoubtedly take centre stage, as they have for a good part of the past decade. We need the sharing of positive trans stories to be as loud, if not louder than the sensationalism, hysteria and misrepresentation being spewed by politicians, pundits and people in positions of power and influence, who have a vested interest in the demonisation and exclusion of our community. 

Trans people, especially young trans people deserve to see positive examples of what is possible for them. That their hopes, talents and interests are worth investing in, a reminder we are more than just our transness, that our humanity runs deeper and is far more expansive, complex, exciting and precious than the moral panic being thrown in around the House of Commons.

What lessons can we learn, from trans+ people throughout history, that feel relevant today? 

Surveys have shown that the vast majority of trans people are happier after medically transitioning, myself included. Yet still, the focus is sharply and disproportionately pulled on the 1% who regret transitioning. The UK transgender healthcare system is overwhelmed, under-resourced, outdated and oversubscribed. 

People are dying whilst waiting for help, on a waitlist that currently exceeds a timespan of half a decade, just for a first appointment. We need the attention to be on that, not on a super minority of a minority who regret making a personal medical decision, that for thousands of others is lifesaving and joyous.

Danielle St. James – Not A Phase

 

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The theme for this LGBTQIA+ History Month was medicine. Why is it important that we positively spotlight the role medicine has played in trans+ stories?

I think that having medicine as this year’s theme has been really interesting, primarily for its prompt of resource-sharing from organisations of all different sizes. Trans people’s medical experiences in this country vary so greatly and this is overarchingly because of the system’s gatekeepers and the luck that the community members may or may not have in breaking through. Whilst it’s completely valid that you don’t have to medically transition to be trans, medicine and those that dispense it are a daily experience for trans people, so it’s great that this month we have been able to focus on that. 

What lessons can we learn, from trans+ people throughout history, that feel relevant today? 

That living authentically, out loud, can save the lives of others. Had it not been for the trans people I saw in my teen years that gave me hope of living a life of truth, I would have remained lost and confused.

Kit Heyam 

 

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The theme for this LGBTQIA+ History Month was medicine. Why is it important that we positively spotlight the role medicine has played in trans+ stories?

Narratives around trans people and medicine can so quickly become toxic. Present-day discourse is characterised by gatekeeping (particularly for young trans people), excessive and dehumanising focus on the intimate details of trans bodies, and scaremongering talk of mutilation and regret, while the history of trans medicine is where we get our restrictive and harmful standards of what counts as a ‘real’ trans person today.

In this context, I think it’s incredibly important to talk about the joy that can and has come from trans people being able to access the medical care we want and need, on our terms, and especially the pioneering trans people who fought to open up that care to groups who’d previously been denied it. Trans medicine is not mutilation, it’s not a heartbreaking denial of fertility, and it’s not even always a sombre decision taken to relieve urgent distress. It’s an expression of bodily autonomy, a triumph of informed consent, and something we can lean into joyfully.

What lessons can we learn, from trans+ people throughout history, that feel relevant today? 

I think perhaps the most important lesson we can learn from the history of trans medicine – more important even than the fact that the relief of dysphoria and the option to exercise bodily autonomy can transform everyone’s lives (not just those of trans people) for the better – is that stringent, narrow diagnostic standards of ‘true’ or ‘real’ transness do so much more harm than good. 

In the mid-twentieth century, gender identity clinicians were (as the historian Beans Velocci has shown us) almost obsessed with the idea that people would come to regret transitioning and would sue their clinicians, or even react with violence – so they responded by only allowing people to transition if they could conform to a narrow set of white, heterosexual, stereotypical gender norms. 

Since then, trans people have had to fight at every turn to relax those standards – not just because they’ve prevented many people from being able to access the healthcare they need, but because they’ve created a mindset where no one is allowed to experiment, change their mind or be unsure about their gender (and, as I’ve written about elsewhere, because they limit our perspective on what counts as ‘real’ trans history, too). 

Trans liberation will only come when we have the same access to informed consent in healthcare as every other group – and that includes the freedom to change our minds without fear or penalty.

Cleo Madeleine – Gendered Intelligence

The theme for this LGBTQIA+ History Month was medicine. Why is it important to positively spotlight medicine’s role in trans+ stories?

Medicine, and healthcare in general, are huge topics for the trans community right now, both because waiting times are so high for specialist gender identity services, and for people to get access to medical transition for whom that’s the right pathway. There’s been a real collapse of trust between the trans community and the health service. [The issue] is not helped by the hostility towards trans people that comes from some areas of the media [and] from the government. [This leads] to things like trans people not getting cervical screenings, and trans people not seeking necessary trips to the hospital or their GP when they need them. 

I’d love to see us get away from these conversations that reduce trans people to whether or not you can get access to medical transition, whether or not you can get access to puberty delaying treatments, or hormone therapy or surgeries, and look at the wider angle of trans experience of which medicine is an important part, but a very small part.

What lessons can we learn, from trans+ people throughout history, that feel relevant today? 

Speaking to the medical context, one of the lessons we’ve learned the hard way is that we need to listen to trans people when it comes to issues of healthcare. Of course, you also need to listen to doctors and healthcare professionals, but it’s hard not to look at the fact that we, at one point, had a near-world-class system of gender identity services. A series of failures around funding supporting that, and a growing political stigma against trans people, is what has brought us to the failure of service delivery today and that [wasn’t always] going to happen as demand increased, rather it has come about be because of this pressure to exclude, to restrict to ignore the needs and the trans community.

We’ve seen it happen time and time again, elsewhere in the queer community, particularly around sexual health and reproductive justice, where the community doesn’t get heard and our health care needs get ignored. We have so many examples that we can draw on from history and there’s a lesson that needs to be learned about listening to queer communities about their healthcare needs. Unfortunately, that lesson isn’t being learned at the moment. 

The lesson I have learned most from working with and within the trans community and the lesson that I hope other trans people might also learn it’s not as bad as it seems. When we talk about the conversation around medicine, it’s often carried out in a very doomy tone.

Jocelyn Sithey – Walt Disco

 

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The theme for this LGBTQIA+ History Month was medicine. Why do you think it’s important that we spotlight positive trans+ stories?

Because, unfortunately, so much of the news surrounding trans+ people is negative and distressing, it’s important to tell stories of trans+ joy. The trans+ community need it but I think the wider community need to hear it too, especially those that hate us. I want them to see us be happy so they know that they aren’t winning. 

What lessons can we learn, from trans+ people throughout history, that feel relevant today? 

Believing in medicine and science is so important. Believing in the advancement of medicine and technology is vital. Too often you will be on the wrong side of history if you blindly challenge it, especially if your arguments are based on Facebook conspiracy theories. A huge modern example of this is those that oppose the COVID-19 vaccines. These people aren’t going to be remembered fondly and a huge majority of these ill-informed people are likely to be the same folk that oppose transgender healthcare. I don’t think this is a coincidence, their sources are false and their arguments are baseless and full of hate.

Take Magnus Hirschfeld for example, a gay Jewish physician that was banished from Nazi Germany for his advancement in sexology and transgender healthcare. His ideas weren’t popular in his time but we look back on him as a visionary and a hero, but why just look back on people like this? Back them now while they’re alive so we can see and feel the differences they can make.

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Finances and polyamory: how to talk to your partners about money https://www.gaytimes.com/life/finance-advice/finances-and-polyamory-lgbt-partners-money/ Thu, 22 Feb 2024 18:39:04 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=351594 Dating more people doesn’t have to be more expensive, but it does involve more communicating and could lead to unexpected hurdles WORDS BY NICOLE GARCÍA MÉRIDA HEADER DESIGN BY ANISA…

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Dating more people doesn’t have to be more expensive, but it does involve more communicating and could lead to unexpected hurdles

WORDS BY NICOLE GARCÍA MÉRIDA
HEADER DESIGN BY ANISA CLEAVER

One of my longest, most stable relationships came to an end largely because we didn’t know how to talk about money. For months I bit my tongue, refusing to comment on what felt like a deeply unfair arrangement simply because I didn’t know how to communicate my discomfort and was concerned it would descend into an argument. 

My worries weren’t all irrational, as it turned out. It ended for a variety of reasons but ultimately one of the arguments we had over and over, even after we’d broken up, was about how we’d split expenses. 

Talking about finances with a partner can be a source of great anxiety. What happens, then, if you don’t know how to approach the subject and you have to do it with not just one but several people? And how do you work out the logistics of money when there are more than two of you sharing time and space?

These are the realities some people in polyamorous relationships are faced with. When you’re dating more than one person, there’s more things that need to be taken into account. But really, there’s no need for this to be any more complicated than just communicating. 

Don’t forget to check yourself

Before you think about talking about or merging finances with another person, it’s important to take a step back and think about where your own finances stand.

“Everyone in a polyamorous relationship or a polycule needs to have a very firm sense of what their financial trauma is, what their financial needs are,” says Chaneé Jackson Kendall, a polyamorous activist and coach. “We can’t share financial conversations with other people if we don’t even have a firm grasp on our own financial situation.” 

Have the conversations early on –if it feels necessary 

“I think people [in polyamorous relationships] have to be more transparent than they expect they’re going to have to be about their finances earlier in relationships,” says Laura Boyle, relationship coach and author of Monogamy? in This Economy: Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory. “You have to be very straightforward about whether or not you think you can afford things like a weekend away or an outing on a much earlier basis than you would otherwise, because you can’t just stretch it on a credit card when you’ve got a partner at home because it affects more people.”

But when thinking about bringing this conversation to the table, it’s also worth thinking about your own situation and how financially involved you want to be with another person. 

“In non-monogamy, I can have a partner that I want to cohabitate with but not necessarily get married to,” says Nick, who runs Decolonizing Love, a page aimed at educating people on polyamory and the ways European colonisation affected the way we practise love alongside his partner Millie. “I can have another partner that I want to have children with but not live with. You can customise every relationship based on the needs of the two people, the dynamic and where that relationship is going and finances go into that as well.”

Dating doesn’t have to cost the world

Dating multiple people can be more expensive – but it doesn’t have to be. “Dating has been commodified, love has become commodified,” says Millie of Decolonizing Love. “I heard a really funny joke, that Valentine’s Day is polyamory bankruptcy week. But it depends on your value system. You might be a polyamorous person who thinks, why do we have to play this game where dating costs money?”

The main thing I learnt from speaking to many polyamorous educators is that there is no one right answer. Everyone’s financial situation is different, and the activities we prioritise are different. Therefore there is no right way to date. Quality time doesn’t have to be based around spending money.  

I find a lot of people imagine that dating multiple people would be very expensive, but the reality for many polyamorous people is one, they don’t necessarily date that much more than a single monogamous person and two, dates don’t have to cost the earth,” agrees Ro Moëd, a polyamorous writer and coach. “The most meaningful dates I’ve had have been about the time we spend together and the bond we build, and this need not involve extravagant dates.”

Also, if you want to go about splitting the cost of a date, remember that fair doesn’t always mean equal. “I manage splitting costs with partners for experiences that we share by making things equitable,” adds Ro. “That means we may not pay equal shares, but pay what is fair when considering each person’s relative income and daily costs.” 

What if we move in together?

If you live with one or more partners, the same principle of ‘fair does not mean equal’ might still be helpful. And the fact that everyone’s circumstances will be different remains true. 

“My two partners live together full time, and I live a couple hours away. I spend about 1/3 of the month cohabitating with them,” says Annie Undone, a polyamorous writer and educator. “Because I travel so often, they don’t charge me rent. But we have a clear division of labour at the house, and I menu plan, grocery shop, and cook. We split the groceries three ways. We try to make things equitable for everyone. I highly suggest that nested polycules and partners talk about the ways that they divide expenses and time in clear and explicit ways, accounting for differences in income.”

People living with multiple partners may find themselves working with more than two incomes, which sounds great. But they will also find themselves having to accommodate the financial responsibilities of other partners. “The benefit is that there’s more people to share the load,” says Chaneé. “But the drawback is that it really just requires more communication.” 

What challenges do polyamorous people face?

Most, if not all, structures in heteronormative society tend to be built for two – from all-inclusive vacations to taxes. But polyamorous people have found workarounds for these, and it’s important to put powers in place to make sure that should something happen your partners will be protected. 

First, “it’s important to have a clear understanding with the people in your life,” says Chaneé. “My husband and I are legally married and my partner has lived here in the home with us for ten years. If anything were to happen to me and or him, this house would go to her. The most important person for me to have that conversation with is my next of kin and his next of kin, so our sisters are clear about our wishes.” 

Once you’ve made sure the people in your life know what you would want, it’s important to think about the legality of things. “With finances, inheritance and medical issues, there are workarounds that exist but you need to speak with a professional who is licensed in these areas to figure out which of them apply to you in your specific situation,” says Laura. 

But there’s another sticking point here. “What do you do if you can’t afford a lawyer?” asks Millie. There are groups across the world working to advance the rights of polyamorous people –  and change, though slow, is happening. In the US, certain cities have begun recognising and enacting legal protections for those in polyamorous relationships. Polyamory UK, the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition in the US and the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association are some of the groups campaigning for fairer rights and protection for polyamorous people, and offer resources for those navigating the legal challenges that surround polyamory. 

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How the aromantic community is deepening definitions of intimacy https://www.gaytimes.com/love-sex/aromantic-awareness-lgbt-community-intimacy/ Fri, 16 Feb 2024 13:09:17 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=350503 For Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, we speak to three aromantic people to hear what love means to them and how the LGBTQIA+ community can become more inclusive of the aromantic…

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For Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, we speak to three aromantic people to hear what love means to them and how the LGBTQIA+ community can become more inclusive of the aromantic spectrum. 

Valentine’s Day is now officially, thankfully in the rearview mirror, leaving a landfill of plastic-wrapped roses and discount chocolates in its wake. But while many of us have dealt with the drama of last-minute restaurant reservations and hastily scribbled cards, it’s time to reckon with the day’s ideological baggage. Namely, the way that Valentine’s Day reduces the idea of love to a one-size-fits-all experience that doesn’t include everyone – particularly individuals on the aromantic spectrum.

If you didn’t know about aromanticism, well, now’s your chance to brush up on LGBTQIA+ labels, especially with Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week around the corner. The significance of this visibility week is amplified by where it falls in the calendar occurring in the first full week, starting on the Sunday, after Valentine’s Day. This year, it’s being celebrated from 18 February to 24 February and serves as an opportunity for aromantic folk to represent their identities and celebrate their unique experiences. 

Aromanticism encompasses a broad spectrum of identities with one point in common: an experience of romantic attraction which differs from the stereotyped representations we might see in broader society and mainstream media. The nuanced ways that people on the aromantic spectrum are articulating their identities can help us reconsider our broader understanding of love and question our social compulsion to prioritise romantic love above all else.  

For example, those who identify as aroflux experience their romantic orientation to varying degrees – which can result in experiencing or not experiencing romantic attraction. Meanwhile, folk who identify as bellusromantic, who are part of the aromantic spectrum, tend to experience romance without wanting a relationship. These identities offer alternative insights into how LGBTQIA+ people forge connections outside of the cisheteronormative mainstream.    

For asexual activist Yasmin Benoit, 27, who identifies as aromantic-asexual, Valentine’s Day tends to overlook the aromantic community, suggesting that, without normative romantic love, people’s lives are lacking. “It can be an alienating time for aromantic people, as you’re constantly receiving the message that romantic love is the pinnacle of human connection and an essential life experience, as is having a romantic partner,” she says. “That rhetoric can be harmful for everyone, inside or outside of the community.”

It can be an alienating time for aromantic people, as you’re constantly receiving the message that romantic love is the pinnacle of human connection

But as Benoit notes, love can take many forms which are all equally important. “Aromanticism is often left out of most conversations because romantic love is prioritised above all others, including when speaking about queer relationships,” Benoit elaborates. “There’s more to love than having a partner, and not all partners are romantic or sexual partners. Platonic love is equally as valid, and shouldn’t Valentine’s be about celebrating all kinds of love?” 

When it comes to greater inclusion of the aromantic community, one of the stumbling blocks is a lack of awareness – and imagination – around what relationships can look like for them. As Shae Harmon, the founder of Shae Queer Therapy and an aro-ace-affirming therapist, explains, “It is a wide assumption that [aro] identities don’t have partners or feel love and intimacy and they absolutely can and do.”

Ultimately, aromanticism exists on a spectrum and there are so many diverse experiences within the community. By learning more about these identities, we can begin to better understand the nuances of human attraction and love. Greyromantic folk, for example, define themselves as experiencing romantic attraction with lesser frequency or intensity – and may not be interested in pursuing romantic relationships. Cupioromantic people, on the other hand, don’t tend to experience romantic attraction – but do desire romantic relationships. 

Tyger Songbird, 33, identifies as aromantic-asexual and hopes that amatonormativity – the presumption that monogamous romantic and sexual relationships are the norm – can be addressed within the queer community.  “Far too often, asexual people and aromantic people are added as an afterthought instead of as a group in the LGBTQIA+ community,” the activist explains. 

Far too often, asexual people and aromantic people are added as an afterthought instead of as a group in the LGBTQIA+ community

Songbird also hopes that platonic relationships are given more visibility and acknowledgement. “Platonic love is often seen as an inferior type of love in relation to romantic love,” he says. “Even in the LGBTQIA+ community, so many people see romantic and sexual love as the only love that truly matters in life which excludes not only aromantic people but also sex-repulsed asexual people like me.”

Anna Jastrzembska from Sweden, 30, identifies as demian (someone who must experience a strong emotional bond before romantic or sexual attraction can be felt), found Valentine’s Day, this year, as an opportunity to fully experience their identity. This year has been about embracing being demi and getting to experience both worlds: an aro life but also unexpectedly falling in love myself.” Much like Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, Jastrzembska was able to see how different sexualities can be liberated through visibility and community education. 

Ultimately, aro folks aren’t some outlier of the queer community. Rather, they are an integral component – and are pushing forward radical new ways of living, understanding identity and forming relationships. Whether they are engaging in queerplatonic relationships, which are based around emotional commitment rather than romantic attraction, or coining terms like “tertiary attraction”, to describe attractions that sit outside of the romantic or sexual, ace and aro folk are pushing the zeitgeist forward when it comes to love and sex.

 

“We need to remember that romance is not the end goal for everyone and that’s okay. You don’t need romantic love to have a full and happy life,” Jastrzembska says.  “The world is hard enough for queer people and we need to have each other’s backs.”

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The Traitors is an irresistible buffet of reality TV camp – and we can’t stop going back https://www.gaytimes.com/originals/the-traitors-gay-lgbt-tv-camp/ Fri, 26 Jan 2024 08:00:29 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=347625 From its score to its melodramatic styling, we get the behind-scenes scoop on why The Traitors has become a hit amongst LGBTQIA+ audiences. WORDS BY BARRY LEVITT HEADER DESIGN BY…

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From its score to its melodramatic styling, we get the behind-scenes scoop on why The Traitors has become a hit amongst LGBTQIA+ audiences.

WORDS BY BARRY LEVITT
HEADER DESIGN BY YOSEF PHELAN

 

There’s no stopping The Traitors. For the uninitiated few, the concept is simple: it’s essentially the most dramatic version of wink murder imaginable. The game unravels thus: a group of 22 people are brought to a Scottish castle – Andross Castle in Ross-shire, to be specific – and either designated faithful or traitors. The traitors’ objective is to gradually “murder” the faithful, while the faithful have to band together to eliminate the traitors through banishments at the Round Table. The traitors’ identities are secret, and new ones can be secretly recruited which means the level of gamesmanship – and drama – is at an all-time high. 

Key to the show’s mass appeal (which only seems to be growing) is that The Traitors has completely enraptured the hearts of LGBTQIA+ audiences. We’ve fallen head over heels in love with this intoxicating camp buffet, and we cannot get enough.

In the UK version, hosted by Claudia Winkleman, the contestants are everyday people, but the US adaptation, hosted by Alan Cumming, features an all-celebrity cast. However, “the core production of both series remains the same – it’s a game and the contestants are free to play it however they want. As producers, we don’t interfere with their decisions at all,” remarks Toni Ireland, executive producer on both the US and UK series, which both take place in Scotland. “The format creates the drama rather than us manufacturing anything that could feel mean.” 

It doesn’t feel like The Traitors has any strict format, which sets it up for infinite variations: “The best thing about the format is that it delivers a different game each time, even now that we’re into the second series and the players have seen the show before, they can’t execute a pre-planned strategy,” Ireland explains. “They have to be reactive each day.”

It’s this sense of unpredictability that keeps the show fresh and enticing. You could come into The Traitors with a concrete plan, but the moment someone else acts in a way you don’t anticipate, that plan instantly crumbles. If you’re a traitor, other traitors can turn against you and stamp out your game plan. There are also in-game politics within the cast, and all the scheming and alliances mean that even the best-laid-out plans struggle to come to fruition. The dynamics force people to think on their feet, creating an everlasting guessing game. There’s truly no way to predict what happens next, and it makes for some absolutely electrifying television.

 

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A large part of the excitement the show creates is in its camp nature – which is abundantly clear from the very beginning. In the opening of the UK version’s second season, glamorous host Claudia Winkleman, sporting her spectacular fringe, vamps about in a dimly lit castle, wearing a sleek blazer. The show immediately sets a surreal, campy tone with a scripted interlude separate from the main action. She begins conversing with a literal owl (equally glamorous, we must admit) as she writes an invite to the show’s contestants. “It’s time to start the game,” Winkelman declares, emphasising the first half of “game” so intensely that it sounds like she’s saying “It’s time to start the gay-muh.” And indeed, it is pretty gay.  

As it turns out, it’s camp by design.“We absolutely would describe the show as camp and we love it,” Ireland admits. Everything about The Traitors is deliriously heightened, from the deliciously dramatic orchestral score to the ornate castle interiors to the scene-stealing outfits of UK host Winkleman (in a nod to her memorable hair, she dons a dress entirely made of fringe) and US host Alan Cumming (wearing a gorgeous blue suit with elegant tartan draping). 

But developing the show’s distinctive ostentatious tone wasn’t an easy task. “When we were first developing the show, we had a natural nervousness about the tone,” says Ireland. “Would audiences be ok with the word ‘murder’? Could we do missions at graveyards?” But once they realised audiences were game for a hearty dash of outrageousness, they stepped things up for season two. “Naturally, as producers, we have fun making the show and creating the world – we want that to come across on screen.” 

Sam Watts, composer of the show’s iconic score recognises a heightened element to reality TV music more broadly. “There is a bit of an inherent campness, yes. Shows like The Apprentice are somewhat responsible for that,” Watts reflects. “Prokofiev over shots of Alan Sugar signing papers in a boardroom! Have you ever heard of anything more camp?” (The “funeral” episodes of both versions of The Traitors manage to out-camp The Apprentice with room to spare – placing roses in the graves of the very alive people contestants think may be murdered takes the camp TV cake). To prepare for his work on the UK version, he binged the original Dutch version of The Traitors, and went straight to the studio and turned an idea for a hook into the hugely memorable, thunderous, menacing, yet playful score that perfectly complements the thrilling drama in the show.

With the producers free to let their theatrical flags fly, it gave them opportunities to push the limits at every imaginable opportunity. “Our tongues are firmly in our cheeks,” Ireland explains. “If, during a pitch meeting, it makes us laugh or gasp then it’s going into the show.” With an attitude like that, it’s no wonder we get outrageous moments like the reveal of Diane being Ross’ mum on the UK version, complete with visuals reminiscent of a true crime drama, the funeral episodes, and a series of absolutely outlandish challenges including launching a golden cannonball via catapult. “Some things we can control,” says Ireland, “like opening the show with an owl or arranging a huge funeral procession, others are just gifts from the reality gods – like Diane being murdered by a glass of fizzy rosé.”

While the cast themselves are incredibly entertaining in their own right, it’s the hosts that really kick things up a notch in both the US and UK. While contestants wear their own clothes, Winkleman and Cumming both have magnificent wardrobes that practically deliver lectures on how to steal scenes. Winkleman’s outfits in particular match the mood of the show perfectly. When she meets with the traitors, for example, she sports a devious black overcoat with red fingerless gloves, symbolic of blood on her hands. Alan’s clothes are brighter, implementing his Scottish heritage with heavy doses of tartan. When it came to bringing Cumming on board, Ireland noted that they discussed costuming on the very first call, which very much plays into the idea that the outfits are central to the show’s camp nature and appeal.

But it’s more than just the costumes – both hosts are incredibly invested in the show. They deliver their melodramatic monologues with gusto and share a love of the contestants. Cumming clearly relishes his role as laird of the castle, and Winkleman, who also hosts The Great British Sewing Bee and Strictly Come Dancing, brings forth a cheekiness we’d never seen from her before, clearly relishing taking part in something so self-aware. Each time Claudia lets out a roar of excitement during a challenge or berates the group for letting go of a great competitor, it adds further layers to the stakes – and let’s face it, practically insulting the players for making bad decisions is very camp indeed. “Both hosts have taken it up a gear this year, they are top of their game and obsessed with the show and it really translates on screen,” remarks Ireland. 

It’s more than just the spectacular campery as to why LGBTQIA+ audiences are in love with The Traitors – representation also plays a huge part. As Ireland explains: “As a queer woman, it was incredibly important to me as it was to the rest of the team that the LGBTQIA+ community felt represented on screen and that the casting felt genuine and not tokenistic.” This season of the US series features not only gay host Alan Cumming (and his dog Lala) but also a trans competitor, legendary drag queen Peppermint. 

 

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That representation also applies to the UK version. “In the UK especially, we wanted to tell stories at the pace of the contestants and I think that was appreciated,” Ireland says. “For example, in series one Andrea only reveals the story about her partner in episode seven. In series two we hear about Miles having adopted children, but it’s not his headline.” That diversity stretches beyond sexual orientation, including race, religion, disability, and neurodiversity. 

Music in reality TV can often feel manipulative, but as Watts observes: “Their stories were told subtly, quietly, and with compassion, but no grand ‘reveal’ with a big swell of emotional music.” The diversity of the cast is never played as a struggle story, nor is it exploited for entertainment. The Traitors refuses to pander and just lets personal moments unfold naturally, which is exceptionally rare in the sphere of reality television. This is a show that knows exactly which moments to camp up beyond your wildest imagination – like a funeral choir chanting the rules of a challenge – and which to let play out plainly. Seeing these stories feel like a natural part of The Traitors is a welcome surprise for LGBTQIA+ audiences. 

Watts explains that there’s a unique balance that sets The Traitors apart from much of its reality television competition. “As much as it’s about backstabbing and grabbing the money and lying to people, at its heart, there’s something very affirming about the show,” Watts explains. “There are always very genuine bonds between the players. There’s true acceptance. They might all be side-eyeing each other in the castle and throwing accusations at the round table, but when they’re out doing the challenges, they come together as a team.”

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It’s time to break the silence around eating disorders in the gay community https://www.gaytimes.com/originals/gay-men-eating-disorders-help-advice/ Mon, 22 Jan 2024 08:00:16 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=343586 From the self-esteem scars of school bullies to body type filters on hookup apps, there are plenty of contributors to this mental health crisis. But how do we solve it?…

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From the self-esteem scars of school bullies to body type filters on hookup apps, there are plenty of contributors to this mental health crisis. But how do we solve it?

WORDS BY RYAN CAHILL
ARTWORK BY YOSEF PHELAN

TW: eating disorders. Please be advised that the following content may be triggering for individuals who have or are currently struggling with eating disorders. This warning is intended to acknowledge that disordered eating behaviours, body image distress, calorie counting, control over food consumption, weight loss, purging, and other aspects linked to eating disorders will be discussed. If you are currently in recovery, sensitive to these topics, or feel that this content may negatively impact your mental well-being, we encourage you to avoid reading further. It is crucial to prioritise your mental health and seek support from professionals or trusted individuals if needed. 

The emphasis on body image has always played a big role in the queer community, and especially amongst gay and bisexual men. In fictional media, advertisements and porn, particular body types have been championed above others. Even this very magazine has, in the past, played a part in perpetuating the idea that certain body types are more desirable than others with a string of covers featuring scantily clad, oiled and toned men throughout the 2000s and 2010s.

These cultural archetypes have real-life consequences and studies have found that there’s a prevalence of eating disorders and compulsive gym use amongst gay and bisexual men. In a research article from 2022, German academics found that gay men exhibited greater body image issues than their straight counterparts, in particular, “a greater discrepancy between self-rated current and ideal body fat” and “higher drive for thinness”.

“A lot of the bullying I received was based on the way that I looked”

The underlying causes of eating disorders are varied and complex – but, for some, the roots are laid early. James has lived with anorexia and bulimia since he was at school, believing that the condition was triggered when he experienced bullying and struggled to make friends. “A lot of the bullying I received was based on the way that I looked – I had grown before everyone else and was very tall and thin with glasses and long hair. I didn’t fit in, in many ways I stood out,” he explains. “I internalised really strongly that the way we look matters and that it was bad to stand out or be different. I tried to change my appearance to fit in more, but became very fixated on my body image, weight and shape. I started to use food to almost shut down my body so that I didn’t have to register the difficult feelings I had, and to try and disappear.”

James feels that the desire to fit in and to be desirable to others is hard-wired into us all on an evolutionary level, and feels that this has a part to play in why the prevalence of eating disorders is so high amongst gay and bisexual men. “I learnt from my own experience that social survival is as important as physical survival, and when society holds up ideals about how we should behave and what we should look like, these are hard to resist following, even if they are unrealistic,” James adds.

“As someone who has had to work really hard in my recovery on rejecting the idea of the ‘perfect body’, I have found it difficult when I have experienced how parts of the queer community freely judge the bodies of others and can be very image-focussed. The sad truth in my experience is that the way others respond to you is still too often based on the way you look, especially when it comes to dating and hook-up culture.”

While dating apps and porn are reflections, rather than the cause, of society’s body standards, they can be spaces where ongoing biases are confirmed rather than deconstructed. Some dating apps used within the queer community still offer the option for filtering prospective hookups by body types such as stocky”, “slim”, “muscular” and “large” – allowing users to disregard large swathes of the community with a single click.

Similarly, while tube sites and platformers like JustForFans and OnlyFans host content by a broad range of performers, many of the most popular videos and creators are those featuring a specific physique: thin, toned, and with muscles cultivated through long sessions at the gym. The fact that these types of porn actors are the most popular – while diverse body types are seen as a niche, or a fetish – only reinforces the idea that certain physiques are more valued than others.

“Bulimia allowed me to feel acceptance when people would comment on my weight loss”

Like James, Sunni’s first experience with an eating disorder was at school. After being in recovery from bulimia for 20 years, the condition returned in 2022 and he’s since been working on his recovery. For him, part of what sustained his eating disorder was the positive reinforcement that peers would provide. “[Bulimia] allowed me to feel acceptance when people would comment on my weight loss,” he says. Sunni also battles severe BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder), and feels like a preoccupation with physical attractiveness in the queer community has exacerbated this. “You don’t have to go far, be it on apps, social media or a gay space to find men flaunting their body and getting attention,” he says. “This feeds the notion that body image is directly correlated with attractiveness, acceptance and attention – especially in a world where you can feel incredibly lonely.”

But beyond body standards and dating apps, is there any further psychological basis for the prevalence of eating disorders among queer communities? Registered psychologist Dr Glenn Mason, whose specialisms include LGBTQIA+ mental health, argues that there are multiple factors at play. “It’s imperative to remember that eating difficulties can affect anyone no matter what their gender or sexual identity is,” he says. “However research does suggest it is higher within LGBTQ+ communities than heterosexual and cisgender populations. This can be due to many reasons such as increased levels of stress, discrimination, violence, bullying and social isolation.”

Despite the awareness within the LGBTQIA+ community that eating disorders are common, most media broaching the subject features cis, straight women – creating a ‘type’ that queer men don’t always conform to, arguably making it harder for them to reach out. But when they do make the first step, the results can be disappointing due to a lack of culturally-competent mental health treatment or service providers. “We know from research that there are many barriers LGBTQ+ people can experience when trying to access services,” Mason says.“More research needs to be conducted with specific gender and sexual identities so we can better understand how best to support those within the community experiencing eating difficulties.”

“The biggest barriers to getting help were the fact that I saw nobody like me who had similar experiences”

While change is urgently needed from mainstream mental health practitioners, we can slowly challenge stereotypes about eating disorders and who is affected all on our own. This is the approach James is taking, after noting that the people he spoke to about his struggles in school lacked both the knowledge and understanding to effectively help him. Now, in addition to continuing work on his recovery, he’s committed to spreading awareness in order to help others.

“When I started to struggle, the biggest barriers to getting help were the fact that I saw nobody like me who had similar experiences,” he says. “Being confident to talk about food, eating and body image in a compassionate way will help those who think they are struggling to open up without fear of judgement or shame. That could be the start of a journey towards getting help and recovery, which is something that everyone deserves.”

 

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Formal support for those grappling with eating disorders includes services such as the eating disorder charity Beat, as well as the mental health charity Mind – both of whom provide additional information and regular helplines for anyone who is struggling. However, some individuals may prefer a service which is tailored to the queer experience, which is where charities like health and wellbeing organisation LGBT HERO come in. Like James, LGBT HERO’s CEO Ian Howley is keen to encourage change through education and open discourse. “We need to be better about opening up and talking about how life affects our communities, how it affects you, me and all of us and maybe by having those conversations we can challenge some the stigmas surrounding eating disorders,” he says.

For those who might recognise themselves or someone they know within this story, Howley encourages individuals to break the silence: “If someone is living with an eating disorder, it’s important that you recognise it for what it is, do not feel any shame about it, and know that you are not alone,” he says. “Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, family member, colleague or random person on the internet, it could be your first step to taking control.”

If you suspect that you are struggling with your mental health, you should book an appointment with your GP to discuss potential treatment plans and support. For shorter-term treatment plans, eating disorder charity Beat offers a free, confidential helpline 365 days a year for anyone looking to explore feelings related to an eating disorder (you don’t need a formal diagnosis). They also offer a one-to-one webchat and a “helpfinder” tool on their website that allows you to search for support services in your catchment area.

This interview is taken from the January 2024 issue of GAY TIMES. Head to Apple News + for more exclusive features and interviews from the issue. 

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Desire isn’t static, so why should your dating app be? https://www.gaytimes.com/culture/homoflexible-feeld-dating-app/ Wed, 20 Dec 2023 08:00:04 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=343121 Feeld has always been a favourite among the curious. It’s also one of the last digital spaces where who we flirt with and how we identify can be truly fluid.

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Dream Nails are flipping the script of what punk looks like https://www.gaytimes.com/music/queer-and-now/dream-nails-are-flipping-the-script-of-what-punk-looks-like/ Tue, 28 Nov 2023 15:57:09 +0000 https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/?p=340518 The DIY band’s lead singer Ishmael Kirby discusses Dream Nail’s full-throttle political punk album Doom Loop and swapping cabaret gigs for playing concerts.   WORDS BY ZOYA RAZA-SHEIKH Dream Nails are…

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The DIY band’s lead singer Ishmael Kirby discusses Dream Nail’s full-throttle political punk album Doom Loop and swapping cabaret gigs for playing concerts.  

WORDS BY ZOYA RAZA-SHEIKH

Dream Nails are making music exactly the way they want to. It’s loud, raw and ready to pick a fight. First founded in 2015, the London-based band looked (and sounded) quite different. Known for their witchy punk attitude, the group released their debut EP DIY in 2016 and snagged a slot on Glastonbury’s first women-only stage, Sisterhood. Soon after, the band’s self-titled album arrived in 2020, via Alcopop! Records, setting them on track to become promising newcomers on the UK’s punk scene. 

Now, almost three years since their first album, the reinvented British four-piece – Ishmael Kirby (lead singer), Anya Pearson (guitarist), Lucy Katz (drummer) and Mimi Jasson (bassist) – have returned. The revamped collective have swapped out their former witchy feminist image, and a few members, for a whole new era. The onboarding of lead vocalist Ishmael Kirby, known for their performances as drag king Cyro at Shakespear’s Globe and Royal Vauxhall Tavern, has amped up the band’s reimagined style.   

On their new album, Doop Loop, Dream Nails get straight to the point. In ‘Good Guys’ Kirby’s blown-out vocals call out incel culture against rhythmic drums. Elsewhere, the band charge ahead with shouty tunes about “sweet revenge” and embracing the mundane joys of trashy TV and sticky plastic ball pits. It’s an evolution earlier fans might not have expected, but it’s one that works. As the band continue their UK/EU tour, we catch up with Kirby to hear more about the brand’s riotous new album and why Dream Nails’ reintroduction is worth taking note of. 

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Hey Ishmael! The album is out and you’re touring. How are you feeling about the response to it?

Oh man, I’m so excited for people to hear our music. I’m nervous about how it’s going to be received on a mainstream platform. I wonder if we’re going to be seen by the people that we want to be seen by or if we’re going to be censored. I don’t know this industry as well as I know cabaret and drag – I’m a bit terrified! 

This is your first project with Dream Nails as the new lead singer. How have you navigated the transition from cabaret and drag to the music industry?

Therapy. My Brown non-binary therapist is like a big one. The cabaret and drag world prepares you for a different kind of barrage of hate and you deal with it in a very different way. Whereas, in the music industry, when a song about transmasc euphoria gets blanket-banned, you’re completely helpless. In the music industry, it still feels like it’s fifty years behind. I have to be a palatable version of Black, Brown, Asian, and fat just to get that song through the door. 

How has Dream Nails been inspired by the sound and history of UK punk?

When I think about what punk feels like in British punk history, they had something to push against. Punk, for me, in the last 10 or 20 years, hasn’t felt like it has that much to push against. Funny enough, even though it feels like we’re flipping the script on what punk represents, we’re really traditional. The music we make is pushing against what mainstream music is.

Do you feel like punk and its new image have changed?

Oh, God, yeah. I do not understand how you can say you’re a punk without being political. Punk is political, and it doesn’t just go through music. It runs through everything like the veins of culture and fashion. [Dream Nails] like flipping the script of what punk looks like. I think that feeling of traditional punkness is us and that’s why I’m so excited to do live concerts and for people to listen to the album.

How has Dream Nails taken the ethos of punk and applied it to shows and new music? 

I understand that being in this role in Dream Nails holds a lot of responsibilities. If I’m going to do it, I’ve got to do it right and making sure I feel safe in those spaces is one of those things. I’m very good at writing stuff and creating music that connects with people on a wider identity scale and I’m really grateful that I can do that. But, then, embodying it in that [concert] space and making sure people are accountable  – and that you are accountable for what is acceptable or not – is a different thing.

Joining Dream Nails has given you a platform to speak out and lend a queer, Black lens to punk music. How have you felt since becoming part of the band? 

There are many intense feelings! On one side I know I’m needed in the band and I’m connecting with transmasc people and Black people. This is the first [Dream Nails] album my voice has been on and I think we’ve genuinely created a good album. There’s the question of whether I’m disappointing a big fan group of Dream Nails. There’s a big fear that the band is going to be judged because of [our change]. If people don’t like the music, that’s fine. If people don’t like the music because of my identity, that worries me. 

Your single ‘Ballpit’ is one of the band’s most streamed songs. What inspired it? 

‘Ballpit’ came about because we were in Liverpool. I had just joined the band and it was the first tour. We had some really bad spaces where we were staying and it was pre-COVID times and not many people were around. We had a terrible gig, where everyone, the entire audience, left after the support band left. It was one of those nights where we ended up questioning what we were doing as a band. We all sat outside on the curb, at midnight, and Anya saw this sign that said “Balls Deep”. It was a ball pit underground somewhere and Anya convinced us to go. We went, looking like punks, to this adult-size ball pit with these sticky balls and had the best time. We just spent like an hour throwing balls at each other. It inspired us to write a song about doing something that we just wanted to do. 

Outside of crashing a ball pit venue at midnight, what’s been a favourite shared memory of you and the band?

There’ve been some crazy incredible music moments where you’re all dripping with sweat and the crowd is jumping at the same time. You’re looking around at the band and you’re all in slow motion which is so cool. A mosh pit, too, is the ultimate moment! 

You’ve got a new album out and you’re on a big tour. What’s the next big ambition for Dream Nails? 

I would love for Doom Loop to be listened to by as many people as possible because I think it’s a very nuanced album. It feels like an album for the bangers, especially if you’re a rock-punk person! If you’re a person who is interested in things outside of the box or trying to find something new, Doom Loop is going to offer something that you haven’t heard before and that’s really exciting. Everyone needs release at the moment and Doom Loop and Dream Nails can offer that. 

Following that, the basic goal is to play more live gigs in bigger spaces. I hope we get the same opportunities as our white, cis, straight counterparts bands do. For me, a Mercury nomination would be top-tier stuff. 

Dream Nails’ new album, Doom Loop, is out now via Marshall Records. 

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